Silences.

There has been a smirk of light in a silent and dark room.

I've been going crazy about how my body has been reacting to that light. And at first I thought I was broken, or that there was something wrong with me. 

It can be really scary and blinding to look out into the world after a period of complete darkness. 

After a while, though, the light becomes part of a magnificent way of seeing things differently. To take that first step out of the room you've been enclosed in for so long. 

To finally feel something close to what it means to care and be cared for. 

I think I might be trying too much to not let it affect me. I should just embrace it.

I should embrace the way it affects me when I lock eye contact with your amber eyes. Or the way you giftedly speak about the things that make you happy. Or maybe my weird silences when I focus on you a bit too much and I spaze out.

That is just another brick in a wall compressed within excitement and adoration for what you are as a human being. 

It puzzles me how my pulse gets faster if you cross my mind or how I don't have a hold of the way you move around my head. To be honest, I always question myself how why you let me hold your hand. 

Silenced, yet implicit choices that have never been taken nor talked out loud; sometimes actions say more than a thousand words. 

And it's true. 

When you held my hand, and we were being close to each other I felt we had taken a step somewhere, somehow, without even talking about it. I'm thankful because it was the happiest moment I've had the pleasure of living in a long time.

I don't know what you see on me that makes you want to stay. But I'll hold to it as much as I can. To be able to give more, and to be more everyday, as I've been trying all my life.

That way maybe, just maybe, I can still see you smiling when you look away. 

Even with those weird silences in-between.

-horus;